Winter
by Megan8
Summary: A glimpse into young Madeline's life one winter day.


Winter  
  
Author: Megan  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything 'Gilmore Girls' related. Not sure, who does.  
  
Feedback: Yes, please: shy_grrl@hotmail.com  
  
Summary: A glimpse into young Madeline's life one winter day.  
  
Author's Notes: This story was largely inspired by a Tori Amos song 'Winter'. It's set into the past. The girls are eleven, twelve... something like that. I don't know how well Madeline and Louise's families and history have been explored on the show. But I can't remember a single fact in the two first seasons. There are probably some that I've just missed, but it can't be helped. Sorry about the inaccuracies.  
  
Warning: Slash-y. In a way.  
  
***  
  
Snow. It's cold. And wet sometimes, when it melts. It goes everywhere. Under her clothes, when she rolls in it. In her shoes, when she walks in it. Down her throat, when she's thirsty. Inside her broken mittens, when she's making a snowball. It turns to water and soakes her clothes from inside out. Making her feel uncomfortable. Icky. Gives her the flu so she needs to stay in bed the next day. Is never there soon enough in the fall, and always gone before its time in the spring.  
  
Yes, Maddie loves the snow despite all its infuriating flaws. Has loved for as long as she can remember. From the very first time she realized, how she could draw patterns onto the fresh blanket, that had fallen the night before. Or that time she noticed, how the forest behind their house had miraculously turned white, and looked so much bigger and better. Or the time her father showed her how to make big snowballs by rolling them on the ground, and then how to create a snowman by stacking them up.  
  
Maddie still loves the snow. Though her father has become much too busy to enjoy it with her anymore. Though she knows the forest doesn't actually change shape, but only color. And though she finds drawing extremely boring these days. But the great thing about snow is, that it holds millions of different functions. Maddie still loves skiing in it. Sledding in it. Having snowball fights with it. And she still loves the taste of it, when she's thirsty.  
  
She sits on top of a great snow pile, in front of her home, and munches on a carefully chosen patch of white powder in her hand. She sits there on her throne, and stares down at the spectacle being played out in front of her. Her oldest and best friend, Louise, teaching a lesson in humility to her not-as-good friend, Paris. The blonde girl has felled the brunette under her, and pinned her hands above her head while straddling her. Using her free hand, Louise grabs a handful of snow from the ground and starts rubbing it in poor Paris's face. Maddie knows the girl has it coming to her, but she still feels bad, when the high pitched shriek cuts through the quiet day.  
  
"Who's the idiot now?" Louise spats in her enemy's face, with a voice full of repressed anger. Paris's feeble answer is muffled by another dosage of snow thrown on her face.  
  
Maddie closes her eyes lightly, and wills the quarrel to end. She hates it when Louise fights. It brings out evil aspects in the girl, aspects she'd rather not see in her friend. Paris is annoying with her provocative habit of flaunting her superior intellect, but she isn't a bad person. And doesn't necessarily mean to be as irritating as she is. And Louise knows it. Seems that Paris just picked the wrong day to open her big mouth.  
  
"I hate you!" Paris's grating voice carries over to Maddie, signaling the end of the fight. She opens her eyes and finds both girls standing a few feet apart. Paris stretches out her hand, "Give me my hat back," the brunette irately goes on.  
  
Louise whisks the multicolored wool hat towards the shorter girl. Paris fails to catch it in the air, and when she bends down to pick it up, Maddie notices how the blonde readies herself for another attack, "Louise," she calls out gently, interrupting her friend's plans. Maddie stands up and carefully slides down the five foot long slope. She smiles at Louise, who has turned a grouchy face towards her.  
  
"What?!" the blonde snaps, shaking her head furiously.  
  
Maddie doesn't answer the angry question. She knows there is nothing she can say, that would satisfy Louise. Sometimes, when the girl in an especially bad mood, Maddie just has to wait out the storm. It's a dangerous game, and only she knows how to play it. No one else tolerates Louise's hissy fits. They always leave the girl to her own devices. Not Maddie, though. She knows that by simply being there, she can help her friend. And she would do anything to help Louise. Anything. She calmly listens to the verbal abuse, the blonde sometimes subjects her to. Because she knows it isn't her friend talking, it's the anger.  
  
This time Louise doesn't insult her but returns her attention to Paris, "I'm just the messenger," the brunette gripes, adjusting the hat back on its place, "It's pointless to shoot me."  
  
Maddie has no doubt that if she had the means, Louise would do just that. Luckily, the blonde doesn't have access to a gun, "You'll do for starters," she says, and takes a menacing step forward. Before she can reach Paris though, Maddie grabs hold of her arm. Louise swings around, shaking loose from her grip, and shouts, "What is your problem?!"  
  
Maddie startles back, afraid she might be the next target. But she quickly gathers herself. Louise wouldn't hurt her. Louise never hurts her physically, "Come on. Let it go, Louise," she pleads.  
  
And for a second it seems the blonde does just that. The fierce look in her eyes softens a touch, and she lets her shoulders slump. And then Paris does the stupidest thing. Opens her mouth again, "All I meant is that..." is all the brunette has time to say, before she has to turn and flee in terror. With Louise giving chase to her.  
  
Maddie sighs and wonders, how someone as smart as Paris can be so stupid. She observes the hunt with mild interest for a few seconds, before letting her eyes wander. They drift upwards towards the sky and she realizes, it's starting to snow again. Only faintly now, but judging from the dark clouds, she guesses it'll be pouring down soon enough. She can hardly wait. Nothing is more beautiful than the sky filled with floating snowflakes.  
  
Maddie picks out one of the white snow crystals, and watches its slow descent with an open mouth. Many times she tries to catch them in her mouth, but this time she just lets it fall freely where it wants to. The flake seems to miss her by far, until at the last moment a weak breeze of wind whisks it straight onto her cheek. It melts away quickly, even before Maddie can lift her hand and brush it to safety.  
  
Thirty yards away, now on the empty driveway, Louise has given up the chase. Maddie turns to look just in time to see the blonde pick up an iced lump of snow, and chuck it after the still running Paris. It misses its target by a good distance. But it succeeds in driving Paris away. The brunette dashes away from the house, onto the road. And she doesn't stop there either, but just keeps running. Maddie watches her go until she disappears behind the trees, and then she lets her eyes return to Louise. Louise, who's coming back to her. With an expression that is both, angry and depressed. Maddie knows how to read Louise's moods. She gets them right almost every time.  
  
"You're eating snow again?" Louise grimaces, and comes to stand in front of her. Maddie glances at her own hand, which has somehow lifted up, close to her mouth. And there's still the chunk of snow in it. She likes to eat, when she's nervous. "Do you know, how disgusting that is?" Louise goes on.  
  
"It's just water," Maddie mumbles quietly.  
  
"Oh, and I guess you drink rainwater too?"  
  
"Well, no... You can get water from the tap."  
  
"And do you know why that is, Maddie?" Louise is talking with a condescending voice, "Because it has to be cleaned first!"  
  
"Oh...kay," Maddie again mutters barely aloud.  
  
"So don't eat this!" Louise shouts, grabbing hold of her wrist, and shaking it until Maddie lets the snow fall off, "It's full of poison."  
  
Maddie doesn't answer anymore. She has her doubts, whether Louise knows what she's talking about, but she doesn't want to argue. It's pointless to argue with someone, who doesn't admit to being wrong. Ever. So, she again plays the part of the submissive friend. It's either that, or nothing at all. That's the way it goes with Louise sometimes. She just has to have her way.  
  
But it's only sometimes. Other times Louise is the best friend she could hope for. Funny and kind. Loyal. Even loving. Those times Louise doesn't insult her, even if she's a little slow to catch on. Those times Louise is patient with her. Encouraging. Assures her, she isn't stupid just because she flunked an exam. Tells her, she's just interested in different things. And Maddie believes it. If Louise sees something in her, it has to be real.  
  
"You wanna go inside?" Maddie asks after giving the girl a little time to calm.  
  
Louise shakes her head. She isn't angry anymore. Only depressed, "I don't wanna see your parents," she says.  
  
"They're not home," Maddie quickly reveals, "Only Mary is."  
  
"I don't wanna see your sister either."  
  
"Okay," she says with a smile.  
  
The snowing has escalated a little, and the air is full of snowflakes now. They're starting to write off all the evidence of the recent battle fought on the front lawn.  
  
Without saying a word, Louise walks past her and starts to circle around the house. Maddie follows silently a few steps behind. Letting Louise lead her to where-ever she wants. She'll follow the girl as long as she'll let her. Louise is her best friend, and Maddie loves her better than anyone. Sometimes she thinks Louise loves her just as much. But it's hard to tell, because Louise's feelings go any way the wind blows them. Sometimes she loves her. Sometimes she hates her. And sometimes she couldn't care less about her. Those are the times that hurt Maddie the most.  
  
She follows Louise behind the house, and even further. To the small grass field between the house and the wood, out in the open, where the drifts get deeper. And the wind blows harder. They wade through the knee-deep snow, making slow progress. But Louise doesn't give up. She struggles up one foot, places it in front of the other and sinks it into the snow again.  
  
It's much easier for Maddie, she just uses the ready made footholds and stares at the blonde head in front of her. Louise's hair blends beautifully with the white snow. And with the white cap on her head. She wants to reach out and run her fingers through the hair. Louise's hair is so soft and mellow. Nothing like Maddie's own, which is stiff and unrelenting. Always curling up. Louise's runs freely past her shoulders. Maddie loves Louise's hair.  
  
Halfway across the field Louise pauses to catch her breath. Maddie almost bumps into her, and when she overcompensates for the mistake, she falls down on her back. Louise turns around to see the commotion, and Maddie is happy to find a smirk on the pretty face. She smiles back, and grabs hold of the helping hand, Louise lends her. She pulls herself up and brushes off the excess snow from her clothes. When she looks back up, she finds that Louise is still staring at her. And their eyes lock together for a short while.  
  
Sometimes Louise studies her just as closely as Maddie studies the blonde. Sometimes Maddie feels naked under the scrutiny. She feels like Louise could see straight into her mind, and know what she's thinking. Like Louise could see straight into her heart, and know what she's feeling. But if the girl does, she never lets Maddie know it. She'll stare at her quietly for a while, and then turns away. Sometimes with a smile on her face. And other times, nothing.  
  
This time it's a smile after half a minute. Louise slowly turns around, and resumes her journey towards the trees. With Maddie hot on her heels.  
  
"Paris is right, isn't she?" the blonde asks, talking loud so her words will carry over the breeze.  
  
Maddie doesn't answer at first. She wants to deny it, but it would be lying. Paris is right. Louise's mother will most likely marry her new boyfriend. Even Maddie hasn't been able to avoid hearing the gossip roaming around the community, "You never know with these things," she tries to offer brightly, "They could break up before that happens."  
  
"No they won't," Louise sneers desperately.  
  
"They could," Maddie argues on. Anything could happen, and she wants to give Louise even just a small glimmer of hope, "You never know what's going on between two people. I mean... I bet you didn't see your parents divorce coming, either?"  
  
"What?!" Louise swings around with an angry face. Ready to bite off her head. And Maddie shrinks back, "What do you mean by that?!" Louise's voice raises a notch.  
  
"Nothing! I just... things happen when you least expect them to," Maddie quickly tries to explain. She didn't mean anything bad. But she should've known not to bring up such a painful memory. She should've, but instead she just blurted it out. Sometimes she hates herself for being so stupid.  
  
Louise glares at her for a good five seconds, before letting it go and continuing the trip, "Only bad things," Maddie hears the blonde head muttering. She doesn't answer.  
  
Near the forest their travel gets easier again. The snow only barely reaches the top of their boots, and the trees give shelter from the cold wind. There are a few birches and pines, but mostly fir-trees. Maddie loves how they look in the winter, with the branches carrying large amounts of snow. They seem so massive.  
  
Louise's slouches the last yards, and breathing heavily, sinks down on the ground with her back against the nearest tree. Her eyes turn to Maddie, who's stopped five yards away to watch at her exhausted friend. She knows Louise is just as tired emotionally as she is physically. It's an ordeal for the blonde, just pretending to tolerate her future stepfather. Maddie wishes there was some way she could help. But the only thing she can do is be there. And listen. And understand. And offer support. And love.  
  
And love.  
  
"Can I come live with you, when he moves into the house?" Louise asks halfheartedly. Not finding a smile to fit her face, even though Maddie knows it's meant as a joke.  
  
She nods and takes a step closer, "Sure," she says.  
  
"Good," Louise replies.  
  
Maddie takes another step forward. And then another. And another. Until she's standing right next to her friend. That's when she falls down on her knees, so that there isn't an inch between them. Louise leans her head on her shoulder, "Do you love me, Maddie?" she asks quietly.  
  
She waits a few seconds, and then leans her own head on Louise's, "More than anything," she whispers back.  
  
Louise is cold. And so hot sometimes. When she flares up, and burns with fierce intensity. Louise goes everywhere. Under her skin, when she stares at her with the piercing eyes. Into her mind, when she thinks about her, alone in her bed at night. Into her heart, when she sees the beautiful smile on the beautiful face. Louise is never there early enough in the morning, and always gone way too soon in the evening.  
  
Yes, Maddie loves Louise. With all of her heart. Has loved for as long as she can remember. Maddie loves Louise more than she loves the snow.  
  
end 


End file.
